


Broken Like Me

by CatKidJen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Phone Calls, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, bad, cause watching your boyfriend be murdered is, did i mention its sad, it's not a very happy fic at first, this fic is just kinda one big trigger warning yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 07:30:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20888411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatKidJen/pseuds/CatKidJen
Summary: It's almost 3 am. Matthew can't sleep due to the never-ending feeling of dread and fear.The medication his therapist put him on surely isn't helping.So he calls the one person he knows can help him.





	Broken Like Me

**Author's Note:**

> basically the new season 6 trailer dropped norvocks in it for like .5 seconds he looks kinda sad? and while I love norvock hating caitlin im also here for a kinda brotp so heres your angst for the evening.  
I cried while writing this bc I'm empathic and Matthew Norvock is my husband

He took his last dose of the night eight hours ago.

They're supposed to help with anxiety and depression.

Why aren't they helping?

All that's on his mind right now is everything that makes him feel the worst.

His adoptive mother calling him worthless and ungrateful.

His boyfriend cheating on him back in California when he was seventeen.

. . . Was he just that terrible?

Nobody really liked him. They just stuck around either out of pity or because they wanted something from him. That's all its ever been. He's never dated someone who _loves_ him. He's never been shown kindness from his family.

He used to think that was normal.

Apparently it wasn't normal for a woman to hit a man. He was always taught never to hit a woman, but he wasn't taught that they shouldn't hit him either.

Apparently it wasn't normal for your father to threaten to beat your skull in or your mother call you a child of the devil.

On top of that, the one person that he felt truly understood him and loved him was murdered. In front of him. Brutually.

He hated it. It was stuck in his head. The weird buzzing sound of The Cicada.

Stuck in his head.

All.

The.

Damn.

Time.

The violent orange glow on the dagger, seeing it disappear into the body of his lover.

He didn't it there anymore. He wanted to be rid of the pain, the memories, the fear, the anxiety-

Therapy wasn't helping. He wasn't a help to the world.

. . . It'd be easy. Plenty of people do it. No one would know what he did.

"Accidental Overdose" would be on his autopsy report.

. . . what the fuck was he thinking?

No -

No, he could remember what happened after Carl was killed.

He helped people.

He saved people.

He could still remember the reassuring pat on the back he got from the Elongated Man and the little "Good job being a hero".

Dammit, he needed help.

Someone who wasn't a fucking psychiatrist who was just gonna load him up on drugs.

It was already three a.m.

He couldn't care.

** _CALLING "SNOW CONE"_ **

"_. . . Norvock?"  
_

"I didn't mean to wake you-"

"_No, it's fine I couldn't sleep. What's going on? Are you in danger?"_

"What? No I just-" He bit his lip and sighed.

"Caitlin. . . Can we just talk? I don't know what about, just something. Anything."

Caitlin must've realized what was going on. She probably had felt the same way before.

"_Yeah, we can talk. I don't see myself falling asleep anytime soon."_

". . . Maybe not just anything. I can't keep hiding what's going on, huh?" He chuckled softly.

"Caitlin, I've got a problem. A mental problem. I'm already in therapy but the day it actually fucking helps me is the day we find out David Bowie actually lives on Mars."

He could hear her smother a giggle and it made him feel better.

"I don't know how to handle it and you've been through so much shit that I figured you could help."

_"I know it's hard dealing with stuff like this, Matthew."_

She. . . Hadn't ever called him that. It felt unnatural.

_"It might never go away. . . You'll always be reminded of him when you listen to a song, or his favorite song. You see his favorite color, his favorite movie, hell even his favorite food."_

Okay maybe she knew too much more than he was hoping she did.

_"Its not easy. But it doesn't mean his memory has to hold you back from living your life. Nothing in the past needs to matter. I'm no psychiatrist but I know how hard it is to let go of everything you've been through. Just. . . Try focusing on where it's brought you, to this exact moment. You're not a criminal anymore. You're friends with me. I think."  
_

". . . I've got a gecko."

_"You've got a gecko. And he adores you. Your new job surrounds you with people that understand you and care about you even if they don't know how old you are or what your name is. . ."  
_

* * *

They managed to talk for three hours straight. Tears, laughter, and soberness were shared in those three hours.

The two hadn't ever talked like that but somehow it just. . . Made something feel better.

To remember that someone actually cared about him enough to be willing to stay up til six a.m talking about nonsense was just. . . Comforting.

And they didn't brush over the bad things.

It wouldn't make all the pain go away but maybe it'd be a reminder for the next time the pain comes.

Who knows.

He might just sleep peacefully tomorrow.


End file.
